My first interview

So...I have been searching for a job for sometime now...I had my "first interview" several weeks ago. I thought I had it all figured out...I knew what bus I would take to get there...well the three to four options I had...I knew how I would get home, I knew who my supervisor would be, I knew the agency inside and out...........but someone once told me that when God closes a door...he opens another one. Well, he shut this door. She shot my dreams.....but he has continued to open others. I had a second interview...this one for a position that I have absolutely no experience and limited knowledge, but I'm learning to trust. God isn't going to throw me into a position that I won't fit me. He isn't going to leave me empty handed. He is has promised to care for me, to equip me, to provide for me and to stand by me during the good and the bad. So its hard...its hard to get a no...especially when someone else tells you. Its hard to have your dreams shot down. Its hard to have your plans change. But...I don't want to live out my dreams...I want to live out God's will for my life...and that means continually taking myself off the thrown and keeping him on it..it means seeking him with a whole heart and digging into his truth. And.....I'm getting there....

Cane Travel and Bus Etiquette

So...since I don't have a job I have been taking this opportunity to learn the streets of Rochester. I have had "professional" training and have really appreciated it...even though it has made me step outside of my comfort zone. So...let's start the Bus Etiquette...because honestly...I was appalled. Learning the bus system is a challenge in itself. I have to know where I am, where I'm going...what bus number to take there and wait...which direction do I go to. If a transfer is required I need to know where to make that transfer...because some buses do not stop at my favorite bus stations (such as the library). Add to that I need to plan when I can leave and when I need to be there by...because that can complicate things. So...now that we have learned those details of the bus...let's add manners. The front section of teh bus is primarily for thos with disabilities, small children or the elderly. Ok...so yeah....I have a disability and it is soooo much easier to sit in the second straight forward seat on the right hand side by the window...but I can manage. So...I don't get too upset when someone doesn't give me a seat...but I have my cane out...so its not like I'm not noticeable. It angers me more for the person that can't adapt, the person that can't adjust to where there is a seat. And standing...not fun. Subway standing is bad...bus is worse.
So....how else have I grown. Traveling with a cane is NOT my preference. It puts a label on me and a sticker on my forward that says "watch out, blind girl." But if I miss my stop because I couldn't see and the driver doesn't know that I don't see well...it is no one's fault but mine. Plus...that curb I missed on my way to a friend's house last week...yep wouldn't have missed it if I had my cane out sooner. So...God has definitely humbled me to rely on others and to be bold with myself...letting it be ok that I use a piece of equipment to help me...its only far to myself and others.
What else have I learned about the city? Well did you know that all streets run North and South and all Avenues run East to West...or they are supposed to. Plus...if you are looking for a house number...EVEN numbers are on the North or East side of the street and all ODD numbers are on the South and West. Someday I will have mastered this city. Until then I am in awe of the things I learn. I am learning to like the bus. Someday, I will love it. But please...use your manners.

Getting To Know You

When I think about those that I love and know well, I often think about how I got to know them. First I think to those awkward, nor not so awkward, moments of introduction. Those first impressions that stick with us, whether we break through them or we are forever reminded of how they are true. My college roommate...she introduced herself ot me. I thought she was going to cry...but really she wasn't. She was wearing a light blue long sleve shirt, her hair pulled back in a clip. I think of my current roommates. One which I met at camp...yeah...confused her with another girl...was confused as to who had just returned from spain. The other...was hyped up on coffee...and yet I still live iwth her. Just over 8 years ago I met a girl at Cornell, I went to go get her for breakfast in the morning...she was not a morning person...and now...we see each other regularly and my love for her has grown significantly. How about that intimidating junior who introduced herself to me when I was a scared freshman? I never thought our relationship would be built to where it is today.
But let's take a step back. I often hear people and partake in conversations about "love languages." So...I started to try and understand them...but I couldn't. I can't pin point my "love language." I just simply have come to a place to recognize what I appreciate in a person. So what are those things? I appreciate undivided attention...not in a selfish way. But I have come to a place where I have a healthy respect for technology...and I can't stand it when someone is only half there, spending their time texting or what not...when we could be...who knows. I appreciate the times when conversation goes deeper to a heart level...and when we can simply be in each other's company and share a movie...or a story...or a game. I appreciate a hug from some, a laugh from others. I appreciate a gift from some and words of encouragement from another. I appreciate a gift from the heart, that quality time and "I was thinking of you" stuff. I love long walks, beaches, dinners. I love serving together and loving together. I love road trips and adventurous things...anything from horseback riding and gardens to white water rafting and skydiving. I love it when someone goes out of their way to say "i love you." Its that unexpected phone call, that unexpected letter. Its that simple checking in to see how things are going....that is what I appreciate in others.
And yet...as I think about the things I love in others...I think about all the times I fall short of my own standards. I value setting an example...If I expect something of someone else...I expect even more of myself. So for all the times I have fallen short of my own standards...I'm sorry. I am human...but I seek to serve others with the love God has given me. I seek to love others as they love me.


Yeah...if this doesn't all make sense....its ok because it doesn't always make sense in my own mind.