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Thursday, December 27, 2012

Annoyances

We all have annoyances. The ones I have been reminded of this week include:

People doing things they say they won't or not doing things they say they will. If they say they are going to go to the party...then they should go to the party.

Constant changing of mind or plans. This is similar to the first. If you are going to go see your friend for three days rhen go the days tiy committed to go. Don't change your mind seven times because someone may be basing their plans on your availability when you get there.

Talking to hear yourself talk or repeating phrase when saying thank you , you don't have to say it three times.

Doing something just because you know it bothers someone or not doing such thing for the same reason. Example? My sister gets really close to my face an/or kisses my face knowing it bothers me and why.


Ok. I'll stop now before I get out of control.

Friday, December 21, 2012

A Book?

Several years ago my mom recommended that I write a book. I thought she was crazy. But as I journal more and blog more...I have found a love for writing. I write to share my convictions. I write to share the things I learn. To share the things I love and desire has become a joy. If I learn all these things and experience all the wonders of living life as a social worker, disciple, friend, daughter, sister and coworker but do not share them, I have given nothing. I long to share my love and the love of my journey.
So a book. I knew it couldn't be fiction. Writing fiction is like trying to make up a story for a child who wants a spontaneous bedtime store...I can't do it. They are all the same. The girl marries a prince, they all live happily ever after, the mom and dad raise their child and protect them... I don't long for these stories.

So I thought about what it would mean to share my story, to share my journey in a book. Who would read it? Why would I do it? What would it look like? Where would it go or what difference would it make? Though I would love to sit down and share my story, I can't answer all of these questions. With out answering them I am not confident I can begin such a task. I know that if it was written it would be more about the things I have to share and teach than about me. It would be more about the principles that are at the core of my life and the love of my God than the what I have accomplished.

And as I ponder these questions I know two principles and ideas that have been central to who I am as a person came out in fortunes from lunch with some friends this week:

"Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is like a broken-winged bird that cannot fly."

"If you want the rainbow, you have to tolerate the rain."

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Things that do and don't matter

Now that I have been walking to and from work for a week and a half I have random thoughts that do and don't matter. Things that make a difference and things that only feel like they make a difference.

Don't honk at me. Nine out of ten times I won't recognize your car so I will just ignore you...you are just creeping me out.

Don't park ON the sidewalk...and definitely don't drive towards me on the side walk. Beside the high school in my neighborhood both happen. And it isn't just cars...a SCHOOL BUS did it on more than one occasion.

Just because I am a Christian doesn't mean I celebrate Christmas....but you don't have to get all awkward and not know what to say. And don't assume that I celebrate Christmas either.

It has officially been one month since I started using my cane....ok a few days more than a month. And hasn't it been quite the journey. As I walk to and from work, around the office and doing the tasks that are amidst my daily life, I realize all the things I need to learn. I also realize all the things other people need to learn. And I could sit here and get angry or frustrated...but what good would that do? I guess its time to learn how to kindly tell the person what they need to do better.
When I started this journey I knew it would be a series of changes and choices that would affect my life, primarily the way I travel. But there are things from time to time that happen that I didn't realize I would be changing. These are both wonderful and challenging. In my office we are all about accommodating and using proper techniques. Now that I use my cane multiple coworkers will greet me saying: "Hi Lindsay its ______." This is not a necessary thing for me, but there are times I am not confident of who the person is until I am closer or hear their voice. Its a simple thing that isn't necessary but in the professional world aides me as I make these changes.  I have also recognized all the ways I am still doing damage to my body because of ways I sit, stand, work...etc. I don't want to make the font on my computer any bigger for multiple reasons. First of all I don't want everyone walking by to be able to read it from across the hallway, but I also can't make it too big because it will go outside my field. So instead I roll my chair all the way forward and lean into my screen so I am just a few inches from it. BAD idea. But necessary. Sometimes I wonder if I should have explored or should explore screen readers or other resistive programs.


Alright....this rambling nonsense has come to a close

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

On hold

So 70%...or so... of my day today has been spent and will be spent on the phone. That is better than the previous position I held where 100% of my job was on the phone.  But after spending 1 1/2 hours on the phone with a government agency I have learned to hate this phrase:

"All representatives are busy assisting other customers. Please remain on the line, your call is important to us."

First of all, I am not a customer...nor is the individual I am working with. Call us individuals or callers...but not customers. I am not purchasing anything from you.
Secondly, you don't really care about my call and it isn't important to you. Every person I talk to when I do get a live person is rude and short. They never have the answers nor can they point me in the right direction. Also, if I don't call, or the individuals I serve don't call, we won't get your money or services so you are saving money.
Third, half the time when I call I get a message that says "All circuits are busy, please try your call again later." This should not happen. You should at least be able to put on hold ever person who calls. Expect your call volume, adjust your technology and staff to the best of your ability to better serve the individuals you work with.

The recording of every representative is busy...well its different every time. Some times there is background noise and other times there isn't. Sometimes the background noise is distinct, other times it is not. Sometimes its male voices in the background, other times its female voices. So...what about training the person that spent hours of their time recording that message to answer the phone. Maybe then a few more people will get served.

I know there are way more thoughts where this came frome...but that is enough of a rant for one afternoon.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Pain is not meaningless

Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us.


- Charles Kingsley



In the past few months and at various times in my life I have experienced extreme pain that feels meaningless. It paralyzes me physically to a point at which I cannot live out my life as Christ's Disciple. It paralyzes me emotionally. I am now at a place of discouragement and fear, a place where I see no end or relief to the pain. I see no solution...and many times I become bitter, angry, frustrated and depressed.   But I never lose sight for more than a moment of what I learn through pain. Secondly, what others learn through pain. I have learned what it means to depend on God. I have learned what it means for this body, this life, this Sukkah to be temporary. I have learned that mourning, grieving and handing the emotional turmoil of this life is far more painful than the physical pain will inflict on us. I have seen brothers and sisters join together to love, support and serve the ones they love. I have seen these same individuals overcome fears, discomforts and unforseen circumstances. I have seen them grow in their boldness and creativity in loving others and carrying out their daily activities. I have been blessed by the opportunities I have had to stand beside men and women I wouldn't generally be able to encourage or to be encouraged by. I have been humbled by the times I find myself unable to complete a daily task with out the support of others. I have learned to bear the pain of others and to allow others to carry and feel my pain.   I can't always "make sense" of the pain or rationalize it. But I can choose gratitude for the ways I am change because of its presence in my life. And at a time like this when the pain seems to have no purpose or course I can only take refuge and hope in the God who has carried me through each course of pain. I can hope and have faith in the things I will gain because of this pain. That will carry me through.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Moving

I have learned a few things from this most recent move.
First and foremost I have a lot of crap. It makes one consider what is important. What could be worth holding on to for the future? And what is worth passing on or throwing out? "It's time" is the phrase we used to part with things we once found useful.
What is important in a home? Is it the size of the kitchen or the amount of storage? Is it the type of floors or the amount of windows? Is it what floor the apartment is on or the location of the apartment in your community? In the past week I have decided that location means a great deal. But also the type of community that surrounds it. Most importantly it's who we are with and what we are committed too. I am grateful to have all of this.

I have learned that I don't feel at home until pictures are on the walls and there is food in my fridge. There are always little things that won't find their home until a few months from now... But I there is security in knowing where things belong.
I have learned just how blessed we are as roommates, friends and sisters for all of the wonderful people who made this move happen and the struggles that were avoided and overcome because of the hard work, love, support and consideration.

I have learned the beauty of creativity and teamwork to organize tiny spaces. And I will continue to be grateful for all of this.