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Thursday, October 3, 2013

What I learned....on the couch

We go through our days and learn many things. We learn from the time we spend reading, journaling and interacting with those who mentor us. We learn from our work: our interactions with our boss and coworkers, our professional development, and the time we work with our clients, consumers, customers...or whatever we are calling them today. We learn from our friends and the time we spend surfing the internet. But for me this week I learned by sitting on the couch.  Here are just a few of the things I learned, was reminded of, or relearned this week....

1. Muscle memory for cane travel serves you nothing after a seizure.
After my most recent seizures I attempted to go to work and get through my daily activities. What I found the most difficult Monday morning was simply swinging my cane left and right. I had lost all ability to move the cane and father the necessary information from it over night. That doesn't mean that I won't regain it, but it set me back in leaps and bounds.

2. Our needs will be met....above and beyond.
One of the most difficult parts of my physical state is the discouragement that comes with each setback and the support I need to physically get through each day. Overtired, sore and emotional I was slammed with extra work on my first day back to work after my seizures. After calling in sick on day two I had the opportunity to be vulnerable and honest with my supervisor and a few of my close teammates. They expressed their desire to support me in any way they could. One coworker consistently checked on me to provide support and encouragement. Another drove me home and ensured I had a ride to the team building activities. My boss went as far as to give me a "motherly talk", provide the necessary emotional support and inform me that she was driving me home when I apparently looked like I was about to pass out.
Outside of work friends provided assistance with making sure I could get things done that needed to get done, helped me to make the decisions I needed to make with out telling me what to do. Others helped me to explore various environmental factors that could assist me in physically getting through the symptoms. Another friend just sat with me to keep me company as I was physically compromised.

3. I find odd things relaxing.
Though I couldn't gather the strength to go for a walk, do yoga or leave the house...I found other ways to feel relaxed and productive. On Tuesday evening I sat on the floor and organized my food shelf and tupper ware. I purged a closet, my bookshelf and some other not needed items. This afternoon I sat on my living room floor with a cutting board and other essential items to prep food for my soup for tomorrow's work event.

4. Saying no is sometimes the best decision and he hardest one.
I was supposed to go on a prayer advance (retreat) this weekend with my spiritual family. I didn't want to miss it despite the fears and anxieties I had in going. But....I said no. Why? Because I recognized that the cost on my physical body outweighed the benefit. So instead I will spend the weekend on my couch or in my bed praying, singing and gaining physical and spiritual strength to move forward.

5. I am not superwoman and no on expects me to be.
Sometimes in my head are htese expectations others have of me to do outstanding things....or rather things that aren't outstanding but quickly add up to insurmountable lists of activities. I don't need to do everything. I don't need to be superwoman. I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I don't need to seek anyone's approval. The reality is that my human body can't physically take the strain that others can. I can't run marathons. I can't function on limited sleep. I can't eat fast food, take out or frozen dinners....not that anyone should... and that is ok. I know my limits...or rather I am learning them and it is ok to say no. I don't need to be superwoman.

I wouldn't say that I am fully ok with all of this...but I would say that I am growing.

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