Working with myself

So...this will be a short post because I'm finishing up my work day and not working....

This is the end of my first month or so at my new job. And boy has it been a journey. Today was the first time in a while that I have had absolutely nothing to do. I was sitting here realizing that I am currently being paid to do nothing. But it also gave me an opportunity to reflect on the past few weeks and all that has happened.

When I started this job I thought I knew a lot about vision loss. And I thought I knew a lot about myself. Neither of these were true. I have learned many things about myself and how I can better live. This includes different glasses, different devices and tips to do things more efficiently.
I have also learned a lot about the other difficulties that accompany vision loss. In the midst of me thinking my field is decreasing and my vision getting worse...I am seeing all the things I am fortunate not to have to have. I have never had to get eye injections. I have never needed to wear sunglasses inside except after my eye surgeries or pupils being dilated. I haven't needed to mark various equipment. Things I just took for granted.
I have learned many odd things about my friends. I have other friends with vision loss...and boy have I got a kick out of some of the things the books say about their disorders. For instance...one book said that Albinos are "flamboinant". yep...got a kick out of that one.

I have also begun building relationships with my coworkers and learned a lot about them and from them.
First of all Wendy makes corn in the microwave in 5 minuts. If you want to know more...you gotta ask.
Lauri likes to break out in song at 8am
Shawna and I have been swapping food details as she is trying to go dairy free.
My supervisor...well we took a class together while I was in grad school.

the list goes on. Let the journey continue.

o yeah...and in case you didn't hear...one week after starting my job my job responsibilities/role changed!

Hostage Transfer

So the date of my transition from job to job is July 13th. Technically that will be my last day here at the call center, however I will be on vacation teh week prior. My boss referred to this yesterday as the "hostage transfer". So, I figured it was a good title. There are many things I want to reflect on and talk about now that I am leaving my job. But today is simply a list or two....note these lists are constantly being added to.

Top things callers do that drive me crazy:
1. Going to the bathroom on the phone with a professional
2. Calling and asking for a phone number but not being prepared to write the number down.
3. Dialing the number into your ear instead of writing it down.
4. Callers yelling at me when I give them an answer they don't want to hear or telling me its my fault that there are no resources.
5. Callers expect me to perform miracles
6. Callers having conversations with other individuals while talking to me.
7. Professionals calling to make referrals when they DON'T have all the information (they know what they need).
8. Professionals who call because they are too lazy to do their own job.
9. Callers always assume that I was the person talking with them last time they called.
10. Callers eating or chewing gum while on the phone.

Top things I will miss about my office:
1. My office is bipolar...for instance it is June and 90 degrees outside and I am wrapped in a blanket
2. My coworkers speak Spanglish
3. stress balls are often used as weapons or ways of making a point.
4. "intercom" means yelling across the call center
5. "scented" coffee means it is flavored.
6. Everyone has a phrase they say: That's a Wrap, I'm gonna blow this popsickle stand, O M G, Ridonkulous...
7. Everyone has a nickname: LT/fish, Mervaration, Chip, CC, Hamster, Radar....
8. There is a concept of a "filter" in our office...its off on weekends...sometimes it comes off other times of the week.
9. The Chinese place we order from doesn't need to ask us our address...they just know its us.
10. RCMCT answering the phone "Tony's Pizza".
11. My supervisor walks around with her headset in one ear and her bluetooth in the other...we never know who she is talking to.

Gratitude is an attitude

Choosing gratitude is something that has been very prevalent on my mind and heart. It isn't easy, in fact it is a discipline. I have learned to choose gratitude when I can't stand on my own two feet. I have learned to choose gratitude when I feel lost in the worries of this world. I have learned to choose gratitude when I am losing those I love or those I love have hurt me. I have learned to choose gratitude when everything is falling apart. But there is still a first for everything in our individual lives. So here is the most recent story of where I have had to choose gratitude....

I work in a very stressful job...in fact the high of an adrenaline rush is almost a prerequisite for my position. I am sad to say that I call 911 or some variation of such on a daily basis. So sometimes it is so stressful we need to just do something different, something to relieve the adrenaline rush and bring us back to reality.  Thursday when I was about to leave work I had hit that place. After three straight days of constant crisis and chaos with little break and even less down time to test software I had come to a place of needing some time. Time to think. Time to pray. Time to build my discipline of gratitude. And yes, time to thoroughly enjoy the beautiful sunshine. I left work...on time! and started walking. My original plan was to walk home but I realized that I didn't have the time or the physical strength to do so. So I decided  to instead walk to E Main and Alexander to take the bus from there. But that never happened. I exited work via the back door and began my journey down Alexander St. While crossing the bridge there were three gentleman on the bridge. Two on bikes. I didn't think much about it. Two blocks later they passed me on their bikes in front of Monroe High school. Once again I didn't think anything of it. I lost sight of them. Then somewhere around dunkin donuts they passed me going the same direction. I thought this was weird. Instinct told me to keep my phone in my hand so I could call for help if I needed to. The pulled left into a parking lot and as I entered that area they swung out of the parking lot, still on their bikes, and blocked the way so that I could not continue walking. They asked me where something was I told them I didn't know. When they said it was up on East Ave I pointed toward East Ave and tried to leave. They asked if they could use my phone. I said no. They asked several times and I continued to say no, tell them I had to leave and walked away. Still with my guard up I kept my phone in my hand for easy access to 911. I began walking and next thing I knew they sped past me on their bikes and yanked the phone out of my hand. I screamed and a girl across the street heard me. She was crossing the street to let me use her phone and another car stopped asked what was wrong, swung around and tried to chase the bikes. As for the girl, her name is Robin and she was so generous. She allowed me to call 911, a dear friend and my work.  She stayed with me until the cops got to the scene. Shortly after she left my supervisor arrived to stay with me and comfort me. She made sure I was physically ok. She was able to go into logical crisis mode and walked me through shutting my phone down through Verizon. The whole story had to be told several times through out this time to the officers. Then a roommate showed up to be with me as well. She was able to stay calm, contact my family and help us through the process. At this point the tears had stopped flowing and I was able to do all I needed to do.I was  just grateful they oly touched my hand and didn't physically hurt me. My roommate called my mom to get phone information for 911. 

One of the most difficult things for me was when I was placed in the back of an investigator's car so that a suspect could walk by for me to identify. I wasn't able to say for certain if it was him...

I didn't get home until 6:30 and was doing ok until I tried to go to bed. Alone in my bed, with the lights off and everything quiet all of my fears and anxieties weight upon me. So my roommates made a plan to have me watch a movie and for a roommate to stay with me until I fell asleep. 

For me when I got up this morning I knew I needed to go into the office and work. I needed to be focused. And I choose to find gratitudes in all I did. I can't share them all due to personal boundaries...but I would like to share some.

~I am grateful that I am alive and not physically hurt in any way

~I am grateful for Robin who let me use her cell phone to call for help and stayed with me til the police arrived

~I am grateful for the supervisor who answered the phone, my supervisor who stayed with me and my roommate who responded and helped me in my time of need

~I am grateful for the opportunity for the roommate I love so dearly and has had a profound impact on my life to meet the supervisor who has changed my life in my job.

~I am grateful for the opportunity to spend time with friends so that I was not alone.

~I am grateful for the love and support of three of my roommates when the fears and insecurities, the effects of the situation hit me hard. It was when the lights turned off, the room was quiet and I was alone that I needed them most...and they were there.

~I am grateful for the love and support of all my coworkers who stood beside me and made sure I was ok today. I couldn't have done it without them.

So when you feel like it is coming to an end...remember. Gratitude is an attitude and you have the opportunity to choose it in all you do. 

Small town to Big city

When I was growing up my brother and I were adamant about one thing: we would never live in a big city. We loved growing up in a small town. Where I grew up I couldn't walk down the street with out running into a family friend. I went to school and knew I always had support because I knew the teachers on a personal level. I enjoyed knowing who was nearby and knowing what was going on. There is a culture in a small town in which you either know the person, know somewone they are related to or are related to them yourself. When I went to college I had all intentions of returning home or to another small town. Today I find myself living in the city. Actually, so is my Brother. And neither of us would change our circumstances. Yes, we miss the small town...but we love living where we are. As I went through the drive thru window at the pharmacy last night and the pharmacist recognized me...I was reminded of my small town. 
I miss having friends on my street, second mothers who would take me in, feed me lunch and let me relax at their home. However now I enjoy living on a diverse street where I want to get to know my neighbors and learn from their experiences.
I miss living in a place where there was one stop light in the school district, the grocery store was 20 minutes away and you could literally walk down the middle of the road with out getting hit. Now I enjoy hearing the banter of the city, spend time riding the bus and observing the people riding with me, I hear the car horns and trains, buses and cars all night long.
As a child I walked across a field and risked stepping in cow pies to visit a friend. NOw I walk through the "ghetto" and risk getting hit on.
I definitely miss the small town I grew up in and all of the close knit craziness...I wish at times I could move out to the country where there are more cows than people and privacy is the norm. Where you wake up to birds and other animals singing...but I guess I just needed to reflect on this.
To the family of community that raised me...thank you. I miss you. I wish I could transport all of you to the city I now live in.

Whole 30 and squirrels

So, Monday was the start of the whole 30 diet. How was I feeling before? AWFUL. How am I feeling now? Not much better. But, I have learned and experienced many things since starting. Here is a quick snapshot.
~Day one: DRINK MORE WATER
~Shopping has gotten very expensive
~If you can make it with cheese you can make it with out cheese
~On Tuesday I made my first pot roast...minus the potatoes...it was yummy and easy. Now I want a crockpot of my own
~The sugar crash takes several days to catch up. while sitting at my desk today I stood up to talk to a supervisor and almost passed out. NOT cool.
~I guess I'm learning to cook. I can't make rice so I had to be more creative with my chicken.
~I crave sugary and salty things. So, how do I fill this? Fruits, veggies and salted almonds.
~Avacado is NASTY. Contrary to what my friends think it is gross in taste and sketchy in texture.
~Stores/manufacturers put sugar in the stupidest of things. So be careful. Its in your ketchup, salsa, nuts, ham, bacon, sausage, juice, salad dressings...ok some of these I knew about...others I was appalled beecause they DON'T NEED sugar added. This is just a short list.
~There is a ton more planning and preparing
~Doing this alongside someone is helpful. Why? Because you can use each other as a resource and to be accountable. You aren't the only one who can't dig into the candy dish or eat the cookie that was just offered to you.
~I am craving everything I can't have. Did I already say that?
~Stressful situations: like the squirrel chewing through the wires in teh call center and crashing the whole building....well that can make you so stressed that it is incredibly tempting to eat.




Completely random and not related. Squirrels. They are AWFUL. Seriously? He chewed through the fiber optic wire between buildings and crashed us. We ran the ENTIRE call center on four phones. Not a HUGE deal in the overnight...but when the downstairs staff also needs to run operations...its special. We had a few good laughs and bonding moments in the board room of the main agency. I am impressed with how smoothly things ran and how we were able to keep things running with two downstairs phones and two upstairs phones, no printers, no helpful databases and little communication with the regular call center staff. But I am grateful to be back at a "normal" station. As a coworker says: this office is schizophrenic.

A Brief Quote

I found myself thinking about this quote this morning that came to my work email:
"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."


-- Mother Teresa

We are one

Somewhere between walking out our front doors and stepping foot on the bus we become one. No matter our age, gender, religious affiliation, ethnicity, language spoken, status in life, physicial limitation or disability, or any other factor...we are one. We all have a destination and a starting point. We are all traveling on someone else's watch. We have given up control. We travel to work, appointments, shopping, friend's houses...maybe we simply take the bus for a joy ride...who knows. If we get on the wrong bus...o well. You can't go back. You must find a new way to get there. We become one. There is no distinction between us. I ride with people who are above me in the professional world. I ride with people who are my clients. I ride with people who are just like me, struggling to find their way in a blurry world. I ride with people who are unemployed, on welfare and struggling to make ends meet. I ride with people who are simply trying to live their own life.
As I sat on the bus last night and the woman next to me realized she had gotten on the wrong bus, this reality hit me. Why? Because I have spent so much time being angry about the bus situation. But sometimes I wonder what I can do to make it better? What can I do to make more buses run and to save the stress. Absolutely nothing. I can't change the fact that we must rely on someone else's wheels. I want to be used in this area of my life. I want my braveness in riding the bus to build the kingdom. I want to speak love to these people, my fellow travelers. I want to pray for their souls, not just their rides. I want to pray for their journey, not just the destination.

I have learned a lot on the bus. I have feared a lot, experienced a lot and shed many tears. While I will still appreciate any ride offered to me and be incredibly grateful for the reprieve from this ordeal...I will try to greet my trips on the bus with joy, with joy that overflows.