Italy? or Holland?

In reading some literature for my new role at ABVI I came across this blurb. Not only did it help me in understanding parenting...it also has some spiritual parallels and other implications or life. Thought I would share....

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip-to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.


After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says. "Welcome to Holland."

"HOLLAND?!? you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in flight plans. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

Do you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around....and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But....if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland.

random friday thoughts....

Day four of whole30...its so much easier this time. I am learning a lot more about what I am doing and why. I am able to be whole hearted about it instead of a state of desperation. I am also so grateful for the opportunity to teach what I have learned to those who are interested.

I am addicted to reading. I find myself listening to books and reading as if I am binging. I am also addicted to buying books. I have about 10 books between my audible account and hard cover...plus coutless kindle books on my list. I have already completed 44 books this year and have about three more in the works...not including a yearly run through of the Bible in some way shape or form.

I love my coworkers and everything about their quirkiness. I am so grateful for their support in teaching me my job and bringing me along side them. I am grateful for the ways in which they simply make me laugh and entertain me with their lives. What is a challenge for me, and my office mate, is the relaxed slow paced way things are done. To me, I cringe at inefficiency and I strive to work hard and long...so being able to just stop and chat about cars breaking, lack of hot water, baby's development and food. Food is a constant no matter where I am.

This week my sister started her senior year of high school. First of all this makes me feel really old. It seems like just yesterday that mom put her on the bus for kindergarten. Or how about the memory of her playing barbie's, or learning to talk and walk. Secondly it makes me think back to my senior year and everything that entails. But most importantly it helps me to remember where I came from and where I am at, and I am grateful for that. I never had a dream of being this far, I was taking it one day at a time. When I finished high school it was just understood that I would go to college...but after that who knew what I would do? I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Now I could never imagine not being where I am at. I have an awesome spiritual family, have learned so much and have an incredible job. I am provided for and have done far more than anyone ever thought I would do. I have been given so much.

Take two

Back in April Jenn and I embarked on the Whole30 adventure. It was at that point and probably still is one of the most food related challenges I have ever been on. I had to learn how to eat and cook all over again. Out went the Mac n cheese. Away went the beef ravioli. And goodbye went the ice cream.
When we started I knew what we could Nd couldn't eat. But I was taking it one day at a time and didn't take the time to fully understand the full spectrum of what food was doing to me. Now as we embark on round two with four new participants I am taking the adventure to the next level. This time I am prepared with experience, two books on the impact of food, several articles and loads of websites and recipes. This time I take the challenge farther by using what I have learned to teach and lead others on this journey.
Why do it again?
It worked the first time. But I wasn't prepared for the journey or the story after Whole30 when I began. One Oreo became two. One cookie became Chinese for lunch. And one almond joy became today's large piece of apple pie. The cravings have half returned and I want this to be s life long journey to eat foods that love me back.
Last time I had several foods I wanted to try or like before the end. Here is the update:
Avocado: still nasty.
Tomatoes: love them cooked. Can stomach a few raw.
Tea: LOVE
Fish: like talapia. Dislike salmon

This time around?
Want to learn about and decide about various organic foods including meat.
Want to try at least one more type of fish.
Want to re-evaluate the broccoli family
Want to learn two more dishes in the crockpot.
Want to compile a box of recipes to have on hand.

Alright. The adventure starts Tuesday. I wonder what I will eat before the kick off.........

Bus Dangers

So here is the latest bus update.....

When you move you have to learn a new bus line. This can be good. It can be bad. In all honesty it is draining. So...here is the latest update on how my last few bus rides have gone.

My first day home from work in my new house...well I thought I was going to die. The bus driver had awful road rage. So...think about that awful driver who has road rage....and put them behind the wheel of a bus. NOT GOOD. See...no one on the bus is strapped in a seat belt and there is much more of an expansive space to fly if the driver slams on the breaks. Well..He did this more than once and I almost fell out of my chair each time.

me: sir can you tell me when we are at parsells and greeley...its one stop before culver road
driver: no
me: excuse me?
driver: you asked if I knew where parsells and greeley was?
me: no... I asked if you could let me know when we are at parsells and greeley...its one stop before culver
driver: I guess so

For the record...he almost passed my stop and I had no idea.


Yesterday I took my old bus home to run an errand. Well she was an encouragement. Not only did she ask if I wanted the same stop as usual but when I said no she offered assistance and struck up a pleasant conversation with me.




Alright...i'm sure we will have more...but not now...now i just avoid the bus as much as possible...

Working with myself

So...this will be a short post because I'm finishing up my work day and not working....

This is the end of my first month or so at my new job. And boy has it been a journey. Today was the first time in a while that I have had absolutely nothing to do. I was sitting here realizing that I am currently being paid to do nothing. But it also gave me an opportunity to reflect on the past few weeks and all that has happened.

When I started this job I thought I knew a lot about vision loss. And I thought I knew a lot about myself. Neither of these were true. I have learned many things about myself and how I can better live. This includes different glasses, different devices and tips to do things more efficiently.
I have also learned a lot about the other difficulties that accompany vision loss. In the midst of me thinking my field is decreasing and my vision getting worse...I am seeing all the things I am fortunate not to have to have. I have never had to get eye injections. I have never needed to wear sunglasses inside except after my eye surgeries or pupils being dilated. I haven't needed to mark various equipment. Things I just took for granted.
I have learned many odd things about my friends. I have other friends with vision loss...and boy have I got a kick out of some of the things the books say about their disorders. For instance...one book said that Albinos are "flamboinant". yep...got a kick out of that one.

I have also begun building relationships with my coworkers and learned a lot about them and from them.
First of all Wendy makes corn in the microwave in 5 minuts. If you want to know more...you gotta ask.
Lauri likes to break out in song at 8am
Shawna and I have been swapping food details as she is trying to go dairy free.
My supervisor...well we took a class together while I was in grad school.

the list goes on. Let the journey continue.

o yeah...and in case you didn't hear...one week after starting my job my job responsibilities/role changed!

Hostage Transfer

So the date of my transition from job to job is July 13th. Technically that will be my last day here at the call center, however I will be on vacation teh week prior. My boss referred to this yesterday as the "hostage transfer". So, I figured it was a good title. There are many things I want to reflect on and talk about now that I am leaving my job. But today is simply a list or two....note these lists are constantly being added to.

Top things callers do that drive me crazy:
1. Going to the bathroom on the phone with a professional
2. Calling and asking for a phone number but not being prepared to write the number down.
3. Dialing the number into your ear instead of writing it down.
4. Callers yelling at me when I give them an answer they don't want to hear or telling me its my fault that there are no resources.
5. Callers expect me to perform miracles
6. Callers having conversations with other individuals while talking to me.
7. Professionals calling to make referrals when they DON'T have all the information (they know what they need).
8. Professionals who call because they are too lazy to do their own job.
9. Callers always assume that I was the person talking with them last time they called.
10. Callers eating or chewing gum while on the phone.

Top things I will miss about my office:
1. My office is bipolar...for instance it is June and 90 degrees outside and I am wrapped in a blanket
2. My coworkers speak Spanglish
3. stress balls are often used as weapons or ways of making a point.
4. "intercom" means yelling across the call center
5. "scented" coffee means it is flavored.
6. Everyone has a phrase they say: That's a Wrap, I'm gonna blow this popsickle stand, O M G, Ridonkulous...
7. Everyone has a nickname: LT/fish, Mervaration, Chip, CC, Hamster, Radar....
8. There is a concept of a "filter" in our office...its off on weekends...sometimes it comes off other times of the week.
9. The Chinese place we order from doesn't need to ask us our address...they just know its us.
10. RCMCT answering the phone "Tony's Pizza".
11. My supervisor walks around with her headset in one ear and her bluetooth in the other...we never know who she is talking to.

Gratitude is an attitude

Choosing gratitude is something that has been very prevalent on my mind and heart. It isn't easy, in fact it is a discipline. I have learned to choose gratitude when I can't stand on my own two feet. I have learned to choose gratitude when I feel lost in the worries of this world. I have learned to choose gratitude when I am losing those I love or those I love have hurt me. I have learned to choose gratitude when everything is falling apart. But there is still a first for everything in our individual lives. So here is the most recent story of where I have had to choose gratitude....

I work in a very stressful job...in fact the high of an adrenaline rush is almost a prerequisite for my position. I am sad to say that I call 911 or some variation of such on a daily basis. So sometimes it is so stressful we need to just do something different, something to relieve the adrenaline rush and bring us back to reality.  Thursday when I was about to leave work I had hit that place. After three straight days of constant crisis and chaos with little break and even less down time to test software I had come to a place of needing some time. Time to think. Time to pray. Time to build my discipline of gratitude. And yes, time to thoroughly enjoy the beautiful sunshine. I left work...on time! and started walking. My original plan was to walk home but I realized that I didn't have the time or the physical strength to do so. So I decided  to instead walk to E Main and Alexander to take the bus from there. But that never happened. I exited work via the back door and began my journey down Alexander St. While crossing the bridge there were three gentleman on the bridge. Two on bikes. I didn't think much about it. Two blocks later they passed me on their bikes in front of Monroe High school. Once again I didn't think anything of it. I lost sight of them. Then somewhere around dunkin donuts they passed me going the same direction. I thought this was weird. Instinct told me to keep my phone in my hand so I could call for help if I needed to. The pulled left into a parking lot and as I entered that area they swung out of the parking lot, still on their bikes, and blocked the way so that I could not continue walking. They asked me where something was I told them I didn't know. When they said it was up on East Ave I pointed toward East Ave and tried to leave. They asked if they could use my phone. I said no. They asked several times and I continued to say no, tell them I had to leave and walked away. Still with my guard up I kept my phone in my hand for easy access to 911. I began walking and next thing I knew they sped past me on their bikes and yanked the phone out of my hand. I screamed and a girl across the street heard me. She was crossing the street to let me use her phone and another car stopped asked what was wrong, swung around and tried to chase the bikes. As for the girl, her name is Robin and she was so generous. She allowed me to call 911, a dear friend and my work.  She stayed with me until the cops got to the scene. Shortly after she left my supervisor arrived to stay with me and comfort me. She made sure I was physically ok. She was able to go into logical crisis mode and walked me through shutting my phone down through Verizon. The whole story had to be told several times through out this time to the officers. Then a roommate showed up to be with me as well. She was able to stay calm, contact my family and help us through the process. At this point the tears had stopped flowing and I was able to do all I needed to do.I was  just grateful they oly touched my hand and didn't physically hurt me. My roommate called my mom to get phone information for 911. 

One of the most difficult things for me was when I was placed in the back of an investigator's car so that a suspect could walk by for me to identify. I wasn't able to say for certain if it was him...

I didn't get home until 6:30 and was doing ok until I tried to go to bed. Alone in my bed, with the lights off and everything quiet all of my fears and anxieties weight upon me. So my roommates made a plan to have me watch a movie and for a roommate to stay with me until I fell asleep. 

For me when I got up this morning I knew I needed to go into the office and work. I needed to be focused. And I choose to find gratitudes in all I did. I can't share them all due to personal boundaries...but I would like to share some.

~I am grateful that I am alive and not physically hurt in any way

~I am grateful for Robin who let me use her cell phone to call for help and stayed with me til the police arrived

~I am grateful for the supervisor who answered the phone, my supervisor who stayed with me and my roommate who responded and helped me in my time of need

~I am grateful for the opportunity for the roommate I love so dearly and has had a profound impact on my life to meet the supervisor who has changed my life in my job.

~I am grateful for the opportunity to spend time with friends so that I was not alone.

~I am grateful for the love and support of three of my roommates when the fears and insecurities, the effects of the situation hit me hard. It was when the lights turned off, the room was quiet and I was alone that I needed them most...and they were there.

~I am grateful for the love and support of all my coworkers who stood beside me and made sure I was ok today. I couldn't have done it without them.

So when you feel like it is coming to an end...remember. Gratitude is an attitude and you have the opportunity to choose it in all you do.